Man Up 🙄

I started my day off great. Had a photo shoot, which means I will be around my favorite ladies, smoking our Mary Jane, half naked, posing in front of a camera. Who wouldn’t want to start their day this way?!

I got done with my photo shoot, I went and got EJ from my brothers and I take him to Taco Bell. We walk in and there are only four customers in the restaurant, two of them being EJ and I. We are standing at the counter and a man walks up next to us. I catch a glance and my heart sinks. He walks back over to the girl he’s with. I stand there for about ten minutes debating on whether or not I should leave but bub is hungry and we’re on a time limit. So we order. We make out drinks. I turn around and make eye contact with him. He looks away. I grab my food and as I am leaving I say “So you’re going to pretend I don’t exist”

He says, “No, I didn’t recognize you”

I respond, “I guess you didn’t recognize me last time either did you” and continue to walk out the door. I decided to go back in to go to the restroom and he pretended I wasn’t even there. Thankfully, I didn’t have the twins with me.

I know you’re clean, I can tell, which pisses me off more than anything. Which means you are clear minded and still don’t have the common decency to ask about your children. This is the second time I have run into you in the past two year and either time you didn’t even acknowledge me until I put it in your face. I look the same I’ve looked aside from weight difference. Nothing changed. And you recognized me the first time because you looked like a dear in headlights that night. So lie somewhere else.

I don’t understand how you can live your life knowing you have two perfect little girls out here that you have no interest in getting to know. You have two girls that another man takes care of because you decided to walk out. You have two little girls who don’t even know what you look like because you don’t care to come around. Why do you get to chose? Why do you get to leave me with sole responsibility of OUR children? Why do I have to afford everything for them while you’re out there living your best life? Why couldn’t you be a man and raise your children? What if I didn’t want to be a mom anymore? Could I just pass them off to you for the next seven years?! Let you do it alone for once? I didn’t ask to be a single parent with no help. You shouldn’t be able to be out there living scot free. 🙄

Being a single parent is hard. So fucking hard. I got lucky and found Mike whom loves my kids and will one day adopt them. But fuck it’s hard. It’s been seven years. Seven years since you left them that Christmas Eve night and never came back. Seven years since you laid eyes on them. Seven years since you spoke to them on the phone. Seven whole years. More than half their life they have lived not knowing you.

You got lucky. You got a great baby momma who stepped in and stepped up and did this shit completely alone, be lucky.

Single moms/dads out there. Know you’re not alone. I see you. Those kids see you. They know who loves them and who has abandoned them. They know who’s there when they wake up in the morning. They know who puts them to bed at night with a kiss on the forehead. Don’t ever think they don’t know. Because they do.