The Turd ♥️

Jason. Nelson Edward Cromer the Turd. BJ. Whatever you call him, me, I call him my best friend. BJ was born on Friday, January 13, 1989. He was My parents first born child. I was born 18 months later. We have always been close, I remember mom telling me how BJ called me his baby. He would say “mama my baby”. We were Always together when we were little.

I don’t remember much about my childhood up until middle and high school but what I do remember is BJ was always there. He was mean but he was my big brother. We have a video tape where he would push me off my bike and say BJ’s turn, or the time that he drove us under the house on one of those little power wheels, or the time that he was driving the tractor pulling the go cart and asked me to reach out for a pole and ran over my hand and when I screamed he kept going, or the time that he pushed me off the bed and busted my lip open, he was mean but he was my big brother. I was never bullied in Elementary and middle school because he was my big brother and he was well known. He protected me from the mean people for as long as he knew what was going on.

Our story is a bit complicating, he has been through a lot in his life. He says it’s OK if I tell parts of his story while telling my story so let me tell you a little bit about him. In high school, he got in some trouble. He broke into someone’s house and stole from them. He got arrested in the gym his senior year. I remember this day so well. I remember getting the phone call from mom saying to drive BJ’s truck home because he got arrested in school. This was extremely hard for me to understand because in my eyes he was perfect. In my eyes there was absolutely nothing he could do wrong and there was no way he committed this crime. I don’t really remember much of talking about him going to jail I remember the parties we had. Man the parties we had. I was always the parent in all these parties I would make sure that he was OK he didn’t leave he didn’t find anybody because he’s very hotheaded just make sure everything was A-OK so that he had a good time. I remember sitting in English class counting down the time to his last court hearing. When the time came if I remember correctly it was around 9 I just remember crying in English class. That day I lost my best friend. I remember spending the next months writing letters, taking phone calls, making trips to Lake City every other weekend so that we could visit him. This time was especially hard for me because I found out I was pregnant while he was in jail. And I remember writing him a letter letting him know that I was pregnant in the entire time all I could do was cry because my best friend was missing one of the most important times of my life as well as one of the scariest times of my life. I continue to go visit we continue to I have calls or the entire year. I remember the drive to the prison the day he got released I was so sick because I was pregnant at the shadows on the road flashing on the car made me nauseous. I remember all of us waiting outside it was me, mom, Callie, Terina, Melaina, and Tamera waiting outside for him to be released. I remember when those gates open and he walked out of course the first person to hug with mom, but I was a close second. That day I got my life back. I got my brother back. My best friend back. Thankfully he got out of jail before I gave birth so he was able to be there in the hospital with me. I do not remember anyone being at the hospital. I actually fought my mom on who was all there until she showed me pictures but I remember BJ being there. I remember my brother be there.

One morning, I woke up to a terrifying call. BJ has been in a car accident. He fell asleep behind the wheel and hit the side of the road and went flying. He clearness a mailbox and flipped his car. I was so terrified. Thankfully, he was alert enough to make the phone call so mom could go get him.

Not long after the accident BJ got arrested. See BJ battles with depression like I do (he’s just too stubborn to admit it) so he turned to drugs. It was the lifestyle he knew and the friends he had so he turned to the streets. He got addicted to Meth and became very distant. At first I was mad. I was so mad. How could he do this to me? How could he leave me for a drug? How could he leave his family for a drug? It was a choice he made, why wasn’t he strong enough to make the right choice? See back then I didn’t know what depression was. I didn’t understand drug use and emotional pain. I was still young and hadn’t realized I was in pain yet. I talked to BJ often while he was in jail. Very often, Shits expensive by the way. I was his relief. We rarely talked about serious events. We laughed,a lot of times until we cried. We joked. We played. I would help him find case files so he could beat his charges. Nonetheless, we had a good time… I was his escape. Where he went when he was having a bad day and needed a laugh. Who he called when he needed a listening ear. We were those things for each other.

I was still mad. Very mad. Pissed actually. I just felt betrayed. I couldn’t understand why. One day, he finally opened up to me. He told me stories about the trips he would have and how he seen the devil in the use of the drug but he also told me stories about how he was in so much pain it was the only thing that would numb the pain. He was going through a horrible breakup and that’s what he turned to. I’m sure there are many things none of us know that he was going through at the time and that was his pain reliever. When that clicked for me I felt so much pain. I felt the pain he was holding on to. I understood how hard it must be for him to live that life ever day. What a lot of people from that time in his life see him as is just a drug addict. He’s not nor has he ever been just a drug addict. He is someone’s son, someone’s sister, someone’s father and so many more things. He is the most amazing man I have ever seen. I say this simply because who can face drugs for so many years and chose to walk away. He just recently passed his 1 year sober mark and he said “I don’t need a pat on my back for not doing drugs”. Maybe you don’t think so, but for me you deserve that and more. Do you know how many people relapse each day? 40-60% of people relapse. That’s a huge number. That’s half the people that are using drugs, relapse. So yes you deserve a pat on the back, a standing ovation, a head rub whatever you want because that means you have looked the devil in his eyes for over 365 days (like 450 days now) and chose to live. Chose your family. Chose your kids. Chose to live the clean life. You could very easily go back there and you chose daily not to. I love you for this. I love you for the strength you have to chose life. You seriously don’t know how proud I am of the man you are. I wish you could see it in yourself because I know you don’t.

I remember we talked about why you stay in toxic relationships and your answer was because you didn’t think anyone would love you because of your past. You’re wrong. You’re so fucking wrong. There are so many people that love you and if there aren’t I love you. That’s good enough 😊. When you find your wife (like your real wife), a good wife, one that builds you, I’m going to stand up at your wedding and just say “I told you so” because Nelson Edward Cromer the Turd, you deserve all the happiness in the world and you will one day see it in yourself. 😘 I love you brother. PLEASE don’t ever leave me again.