Back to the boys and the reason I have had such horrible depression and body issues. 🙄

So 2015 I was in the worst of my depression. I have never felt the way I felt now before. I lost Nick, my love and my best friend, I had lost my job, I was on the verge of losing my house. I started going back to church because I knew I needed something to help me. I knew I had to pull myself out of this while I was in before I was in way too far. At church I met William. He was the drum player and he was a smooth talker. Not long after we met he moved in with me. He kinda just came over one day and never left. Not long after he proposed and we got married(dumb I know) but I was so far down I seen someone that could give me a way out. We ended up being together for 6 months. He was awful. He threatened on a daily to get my kids taken away. He used to follow me around town. When I went to college, I was a whore because I had to go to the school for a test. He refused to sign the fasfa papers so I could get a grant. I now owe them a couple grand. He lied. He cheated. He was abusive. Physically and mentally. After we split up he would stalk me. Sit outside of my house and watch me. He harassed me for a long time after. He tried to get me fired from my job. He was just awful.

After him I dated a guy Jeremiah. We weren’t really serious and it’s something I knew wouldn’t last but I let it happen anyways. It didn’t last long at all because he freaked out one night over Facebook. I asked him about having Facebook (for previous cheating reasons) and he snapped. I honestly don’t remember it all. I just remember him pushing me around the kitchen and into the counters, walls and windows. He would push me, I would push him off. It went on and on all over the kitchen until he grabbed me by the back and pushed me into the floor. He then proceeded to get on my back and put me in a head lock. I was crying and trying so hard to breathe. I was saying “I can’t breathe” over and over again. I knew in that moment I was going to die. Something happened and he snapped out of it. He said he didn’t hear me say I couldn’t breathe and immediately got up. I made my way to the knives and I grabbed the biggest one I could find. I charged him and I told him he had one of three ways out. He could leave and never show his face again. I could call the police and he could go to prison for a long time, and I’d make sure of it. Or I could kill him.

My kids were in the house that night. Right upstairs. My mom was in the room next to them. I swear if it wasn’t for the fact that I just knew my gurls would come down that stairway and they first thing they would see if a dead body. His dead body. So I game him the choices. One I probably shouldn’t of given but I did. He took it. He left and I have not seen him since.

2 thoughts on “Abused

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