I got a call the other day, it was Melissa. She says, “Robert is in the hospital with Covid. They are thinking of putting him on a ventilator. We aren’t sure he’s going to make it”. My first reaction is “damn. That sucks”. That’s all I could say. I didn’t know what else to say. I do not wish death on him, as I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I can not bring myself to feel sorry.
A little back history. Robert and I married when the twins were 2 days old. So yes, after sister situation, I went back and ended up marrying him. I thought marriage would make sure the twins had a normal life. I didn’t want them to grow up with split homes like I did. I was 19 and clearly dumb. Our divorce was horrible. 2 years it lasted. It was full of bullshit. I remember answering a phone call from him one day and he said “hey, you’re on speaker phone say hey to the girls. Girls, you’re mom is such a piece of shit. She doesn’t do anything for you guys.” That’s when I hung up. It was endless fights and arguments. He kept the kids from me, talked to me like I was a dog, and then tried to convince the state that I was unfit and neglecting my girls.
A couple years later he started doing drugs. Meth was his choice of drug. He literally fell off the face of earth. I didn’t hear from him for a while. He ended up going to jail and he called me. He apologized and promised to be better for the kids. When he got out of jail he was going to get the girls and he was going to be a great dad. Christmas time 2015, he calls me saying he is getting out of jail and he wanted to get the kids for a Christmas. This was already pre-arranged by his mom and I so as planned I let them go with her while he was present. That night they opened Christmas presents. The next morning he was gone. No one knew where he was and that was that. He has had no contact with the girls since, and not because I haven’t allowed it. Simply because he hasn’t tried.
So today I have to really think and ask myself how would I feel if he didn’t recover from this and he passed away. How would I feel? But I don’t know. Would I feel sad or relieved. I have had to look over my shoulder for 12 years, it would be nice to not have to. I have had no help from him in 7-8 years. He hasn’t been a father to our girls. So maybe I would feel relief. The kids would at least get help from the state because they haven’t had it from him. But I would feel sad. His family doesn’t deserve to burry their 38 year old brother, son, father. So honestly I don’t know.
If you are a single parent out there (or remarried parent) with baby daddy/mommy issues, know you’re not alone. We know it’s not easy. Just remember to do your best and do what’s best for your child. They need you.
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